Day 1.

My mind runs through a million things I want to say so it's hard to narrow this down. Basically, over the next year of my life I've dedicated myself and body to tracking my journey as I recover from depression and anxiety and continue to fight the weight battle I've dealt with for as long as I can remember.

Over the past 3 years I've lost 120 lbs. No secret to it really. I've gone through so much in my life and food was my comfort. After meeting my boyfriend, Aden, and actually finding happiness for a while, I learned to eat better and for once in my life, had an active lifestyle.

Since I've recently been binge eating and falling back into some of my old habits, I've gained a few lbs. I think that's been the push for me to do this, though, today, it was very hard.

I recently purchased the Malibu Pilates system from HSN.com. Susan Lucci sold it to me! Haha, yes, I'm a goofball. I was contemplating on getting a gym membership, but knowing myself, I would go once and then gradually just not go and be stuck with a monthly payment. So I thought, why not buy something I can do at home. After already buying the Zumba DVD program I knew if I could get myself commited to this that I will have great success. So here we go.

I ate pretty normal for my day at work. I'm at the office from 5am-2pm so a normal meal schedule hasn't really ever fit for me. I usually have a few pieces of string cheese throughout the day and throw in a Sugar Free Jello cup and I'm good. By the time I make it home though, I'm starving. At least, today I was. I made myself a pasta and cheese meal of Smart Ones, I love those things! The diet I've followed has mainly been low carb so this meal kind of took it a little overboard at 44 carbs but it's a whole meal and I feel full afterwards (sometimes) so I didn't feel too guilty. The guilt came later. I took a nap with my 3 year old daughter and woke up to see that leftover bag of tortilla chips from my "last supper" at Chilli's the night before. No good. I thought to myself I could just have one...the salt was amazing and they were still perfect, not stale at all. I kept eating a few more at a time. I knew I had to stop myself before finishing off the bag so I decided to make myself a banana smoothie. I bought the Chobani Fat Free Greek Yogurt and some Edy's No Sugar Added vanilla ice cream. Added some banana and milk and it was so great.

The workout was next. I decided instead of starting on the DVD for the Malibu Pilates that I'd use the sheet which shows different key workout steps. To my surprise, I loved it! I did the first 5 and went through the suggested reps 3 times. I felt very good about myself :) Though, just finishing a filling banana smoothie didn't go too well, so note to self: don't do that again.

I took a few pictures in our crappy mirror but I'm going to track my progress and eventually add photos to this.

The hardest part about this is staying committed. After following through with just this first day, I'm confident that I can do this and continue.

I'm a year away from my 30th birthday. I'd like, at that time, to find confidence and strength within myself.